Sunday, January 07, 2007
A few stray thoughts:
It’s early Sunday morning and I’m here in the crib, typing as I listen to my I-Tunes. I’m anxious tonight, and I doubt sleep will come easy. I spoke to those who be helpful and understanding, and that was therapeutic, if not helpful. An exercise in Gestalt if nothing else, it gave me some space to activate my creative juices.
I’d like to write about the thought process I had before that, though. I’ve written extensively about my various schemes and ideas, although very few have come to any fruition. More recently, I’ve written about what I am not doing; which is all the things I wrote about earlier. Essentially, I'd become more or less happy with my place in life, and any schemes or plans or plots or side projects faded from my mind. I began to feel these were counterproductive and a waste of time, energy, and money. The trip to Binghamton not withstanding, I didn’t feel the need to expend any capital - be it chronological, mental, or financial - on anything outside my daily life and my efforts to improve myself.
My mom stated much the same while we had breakfast Saturday morning. After I explained my situation and my present stae of mind, she remarked I recently seemed more content than I had been since I moved back to Westchester. Since this covers Nov. 1998 to the present, this is quite a statement. This no longer applies at the moment. Right now, that bugs me the most. I lost the simplicity I thought I had. I can’t say if it’s because I hate feeling I was wrong, or because I was right about something deeply unpleasant. Quite the toss up, and my gut is swimming no matter what the reason. As far as my plans, I can’t really say. I won’t have anything to report until at least February, although I did take care of a few things while shopping. I’m sure I’ll feel better come next Friday; I certainly hope so. Right now is the time for meditation and sleep.
I’d like to write about the thought process I had before that, though. I’ve written extensively about my various schemes and ideas, although very few have come to any fruition. More recently, I’ve written about what I am not doing; which is all the things I wrote about earlier. Essentially, I'd become more or less happy with my place in life, and any schemes or plans or plots or side projects faded from my mind. I began to feel these were counterproductive and a waste of time, energy, and money. The trip to Binghamton not withstanding, I didn’t feel the need to expend any capital - be it chronological, mental, or financial - on anything outside my daily life and my efforts to improve myself.
My mom stated much the same while we had breakfast Saturday morning. After I explained my situation and my present stae of mind, she remarked I recently seemed more content than I had been since I moved back to Westchester. Since this covers Nov. 1998 to the present, this is quite a statement. This no longer applies at the moment. Right now, that bugs me the most. I lost the simplicity I thought I had. I can’t say if it’s because I hate feeling I was wrong, or because I was right about something deeply unpleasant. Quite the toss up, and my gut is swimming no matter what the reason. As far as my plans, I can’t really say. I won’t have anything to report until at least February, although I did take care of a few things while shopping. I’m sure I’ll feel better come next Friday; I certainly hope so. Right now is the time for meditation and sleep.
