financial aid and rants and raves

Q: What is definition of "consumer confidence"? A: The belief that one can repay debts incurred today as some point in the future. Ergo, when you hear on CNN or Fox News or MSNBC or Bloomberg, or whatever, that consumer confidence is high or low or dropping or rising or steady; economists are taking the collective temperature of people's economic (in)security. It's also an excellent predictor of consumer spending. If people are worried they won't be able to pay the home loan, car note, etc.; they won't spend or won't spend as much. Example: a family's main bread winner's job is on thin ice because of downsizing. The annual summer vacation is coming up. If things were hunky-dory, they might go to Disney in Florida. This year, however, they'll camp in the Adirondacks (assume they live here in Westchester) and hit the water park and eat out once or twice. The kid’s will bitch, but the family will be able to save some money and maybe mom and dad pay down a credit card. This example is more valid than you might realize, as people will go on vacation no matter how well or lousy the economy is doing. Studies show this, and I’ve lived it in during my time in the Pocono Mountains.

I bring all this up because my consumer confidence just took a hit: I bought a certified used car today. The amount wasn't too bad: I owe 12K after deposit, but I did buy a 2001 Toyota Corolla with 25,000 miles. It is certified, but let's face the facts; Toyotas rule. Anyway, this changes everything I’ve been planning over the next year. Certain things are history, such as eating out, my trip to Germany in June, etc. I was going to eat the cost of the trip to Florida; now I can’t. Also, wants are now needs: I wanted to work the Faire, now I need to work Faire. I wanted to get on a budget, now it’s an absolute must. I’m taking Betsy out and this may be the last time I get to do this. I do have some contingency plans, and they are going into motion. With the up coming raises, my check will be about 1490. Add the $300 extra I’ll be getting, and I should be able to pay most of the big bills with one check (800 + 197 + 100 + 65 + 200 + 45 = 1307) and the bills that are due late in the month (232 + 155 = 387). I can temper some of these bills by canceling my camera and video phone service and taking the safety course. Mostly I just need to budget and pay down the high interest credit cards. Paying down the car loan is actually top priority, as once that happens I can reduce my insurance. I’m basically spending my September 1st raise and retro check before I got them. Let’s just say my consumer confidence is steady and leave it at that.  

I should also mention there is not promise that I'll be able to transfer out to regular counseling. This isn't actually that bad, mind you. We call thsi postotion a working retirement, as they do half the work but make all the money. I'm not really concerned about that really, as I'm a better fit for Admissions anyway. I love to drive around and talk to people, so it would be a fun job. Still, I could be doing FAFSA's till I retire. I said it once, I'll say it again: this is the last job I'll ever have.

Another Thursday, another late night in the office. One of the trepidation I've always had about this job is the reality of being stuck or hitting the ceiling. Generally, jobs in academia are stratified. By that I mean that one can work as a college professor at a one level or another. This level I may be at has no effect on the position in anyway. I am presently an Instructor, ostensibly level 5. When I am granted tenure on September 1st, I will be promoted to Assistant Professor Level 2 (I think). After that I can be reasonably sure of promotions all the way to Level 6 or 7. With these promotions come a raise at around 5k per level. Factor in all the raises guaranteed in the contract, and I'll be making a pretty penny. However, there are more lucrative layers past Assistant Professor: Associate and Full await. However, there is no promise, implied or otherwise, that anyone will ever reach these new titles.

One reason you may be denied is education. To qualify for Associate, you must have 180 credits in total. Theoretically that is 120 for the Bachelor's and 60 for a full Master's. It doesn't need to be exactly that ratio, however. As it is, my MS was 36 credits. I do have an overabundance of undergrad, so I'm only 7 credits away. Full Prof's have a PHD for the most part, although two full Master's would fulfill the academic requirements. Very few reach the final level, generally because they don't have the education. Still, even if you have the education, that does not mean you'll move up. One reason is competition, there are a limited number of slots and I would be up against professors of all stripes and disciplines, not just counselors. Also, the process is much more political, and there is some... It's hard to explain. I'll save that for a future post. Moreover, financial aid counselors are not well thought of right now, so I'd be fighting that perception a well.

This is not just conjecture; one of my colleagues in my office who literally works her ass off in various committees and as the District Chair and as a Senator was denied out of hand. With that I know I'm dead in the water. However, the insight that the process is the farce that tenure was is valuable knowledge. The farce is in the opposite direction as tenure (a near inevitable "NO" vs. a near inevitable "YES,") but that doesn't matter. I will not be killing myself for something I cannot get, so I'm off the hook. I will try for promotion in about 5 years, after quite a few of the Boomers retire. This will free up spots and maybe I'll get in. Again, I'm not complaining, but I worried about this when I got hired, and it turns out I was not off base. More later...

This way came. It's funny. I've had a nagging sensation in the back of my mind for a while now, and I couldn't quite tune out the static of everyday life to hear the message until now. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've been quite sick and it could have been quite serious. Couple that with an infected prostate and camera shoved up my dick (ouch!!!!) and the mysterious and off the charts brutal neck pain (which has not returned) and the associated trip to the ER and my willingness to take a muscle relaxant (first time in 13 plus years of sobriety), I've been out of sorts. I'm better now; I'm fighting off a sinus infection that everyone seems to have, but even that has faded. So I'm sitting here at the Mamaroneck Starbucks surrounded by kids in Sunday best clothing and attentive and similarly overdressed parents trying to put form to the thought I've just recently understood. The Something Wicked This Way Comes title is a reference to the suprisingly creepy Disney movie from 1983. Based off a Ray Bradbury story, it stars Jonathan Pryce as a demonic carny (Mr. Dark) who makes your deepest wishes come true for a very steep price. An excellent flick, it also starts Jason Robards as an old father trying to save his son. Dark knows that JR sees through him and at the end of the movie grabs the old man by the hand and gives him "a taste of death; so that he knows it when it returns." JR is disabled and in agony. It passes, but he is forever diminished, if only pyschically. He is mortal, and knows what dying feels like.

This is exactly the way I felt, but I could not find a frame of reference to express it. I run the risk of melodrama, I know. Still, the pain and fear I felt were by far the worst of life. I've been burned, thrown through the windshield of a VW bus, fallen off a building, and been involved in 5 car wrecks. Those were laughably easy to tolerate compared to the past two months. The recovery was easier as well. The truly strange thing is this: now that have some kind of reference, I feel much better. You would think that comparing my recent illness with a taste of my own death would only make me feel worse, but it doesn't. It seems the comparison has lessened it's power or immediacy. Maybe I feel less alone; I don't know.

Anyway, I'm here at Starbucks, and still surrounded by insanely loud kids. I have ITunes cranked to MAX and I can still hear them wailing. That's not why I'm typing out the scene, however. I'm noticing how old the fathers are. We'll approximate the kids are 11 or younger, as all the girls are prepubescent, and the fathers seems to be either in their early 40's or older. I'd use the chance to ridicule baby boomers, but I'm realizing that I'll be one of them, and only if I'm lucky. So I'll have to dispense with the boomer bashing, at least this time. Anyway, I highly recommend Something Wicked This Way Comes on video. It's scary and creepy for a Disney flick, and the look and effects have help up quite well. Peace out.

another illness. I'm getting concerned, and I believe I'm annoying my doctor. Anyway, I seems to be sick again, and the more I excert myself, the worse I feel. I'm not sure what the problem is, and I'd really like to be able to do the things I normally do without crashing. Instead I can't have sex, and all I can manage is sitting here at Starbucks typing about my life rather than living it. Anyway, I really need to drop tonnage, and that should help. More later...

I honor of rantwithbrian's one year anniversary of inconsequence, I'm here to praise the weather, which granted me a day off from work despite only an inch or so of snow here in Mamaroneck. Northern Westchester got hit much harder, or so I guess, and I'm here at Starbucks chillin' on my computer philosophizing (i.e. musing about nothing and everything and otherwise scheming...) and drinking a tasty but overpriced beverage. Oh yeah, I'm also getting paid. Yeah me! Anyway, any day you get to chill out, surf the 'Net, still get paid, and enjoy the serene environs of a coffee shop is a good day indeed. I really should bed doing more with my day, but I really don't care. I'm just enojoying getting back into my normal routine again. Stuff like reading my favorite websites, buying new books, etc. I'm a creature of routine (but not order) and I'm only now starting to get back to what I feel is my normal self. Being sick sucks ass. Anyway, more later.