Friday, June 01, 2007
Welcome to June...
I'd bitch about the weather (gonna hit 90 today) or avoiding homicide at a meeting on Wed. only by leaving without speaking to ANYONE. Thankfully, men do not need conversation when shaking hands. No, today I want to bitch about CompUsa.
I've mentioned my laptop on this blog many times, and as of yesterday morning it was working fine. Last night, however, the computer died. I spent nearly an hour with tech support last night, but it did not help. Luckily, I purchased the service agreement, and I'm still covered. However, CompUsa decided to close both local stores, so I must how either go to Manhattan (yeah, right) or truck 54 miles all the way to Orange CT. Hopping to CT is an improvement only when compared to driving to the city, but it is off I-95. They are getting an earful tonight, that is for fucking sure. Anyway, though I'm covered, there's the chance that I may lose my laptop and need another one, or it may need to be refurbished, thereby formatting my hard drive and me losing all my data. Hopefully it's fixable, but I cannot say. All this means is no WoW, and no surfing, and I may actually turn on the TV for the first time in months. At least I have my P2. If that breaks... eh.
Anyway, it's good to write once more, and better to expand my tiny space on the 'Net. Things are afoot, as usual, and I'm wondering what will happen this summer. The summer is always important in our culture; the warm weather and it's short duration create an artificial time and place for discovery and experimentation. Summer vacation, summer flings, summer planting (which is why we have a summer vacation to begin with), etc. all lend credence to my notion, and I'm not immune to the phenomenon. I've already buried one friendship and I may be burying another. As I was commenting to friend last night, all this recent activity (very little of which is positive, or even tolerable) will leave my life far less full, and this was before my laptop died ignominiously. Combine this with the extended time off I'll receive this summer, and I'll be overstimulated and under supervised. I cannot view all of this as automatically bad, merely unpleasant. Change is rarely easy with me, and I must remember one of me exes: Pat. She and I were a serious couple - seriously unhealthy. In the end she went nuts ( I mean that clinically, not descriptively) and I was sick of it. I can say she was probably trying to get me to marry her, but I wasn't ready. The fact she is 10 1/2 years older than I did not help. We were not meant to be together any longer and I wanted out. I was terrified of the notion of not being with her; we were terribly codependent. When we did break up, I found I was free! I got myself together and began life anew. I won't say I'm doing back flips with the result, but I am happier than when I was with her. That feeling of change is quite strong now, and I wonder if I'm embarking on another transition. I'm loosing thins left and right; what will replace them? I'll find out by the end of October.
I can also say I'm finally shaking the depression/angst/anxiety I've enjoying for the past few months. One of those realization moments occurred at the aforementioned homicide-free meeting, when I realized how much I missed... something. I couldn't put my finger on it until I was sitting down to read the Big Book, and then I realized I wanted to feel like I did in early sobriety. I had hope and I felt so much better than today. I haven't been hitting enough meetings, and even the small increase I've had lately have helped. With that, I'll have to endeavor to go to Harbor Island, if not tonight, then Sunday and beyond. More later....
I've mentioned my laptop on this blog many times, and as of yesterday morning it was working fine. Last night, however, the computer died. I spent nearly an hour with tech support last night, but it did not help. Luckily, I purchased the service agreement, and I'm still covered. However, CompUsa decided to close both local stores, so I must how either go to Manhattan (yeah, right) or truck 54 miles all the way to Orange CT. Hopping to CT is an improvement only when compared to driving to the city, but it is off I-95. They are getting an earful tonight, that is for fucking sure. Anyway, though I'm covered, there's the chance that I may lose my laptop and need another one, or it may need to be refurbished, thereby formatting my hard drive and me losing all my data. Hopefully it's fixable, but I cannot say. All this means is no WoW, and no surfing, and I may actually turn on the TV for the first time in months. At least I have my P2. If that breaks... eh.
Anyway, it's good to write once more, and better to expand my tiny space on the 'Net. Things are afoot, as usual, and I'm wondering what will happen this summer. The summer is always important in our culture; the warm weather and it's short duration create an artificial time and place for discovery and experimentation. Summer vacation, summer flings, summer planting (which is why we have a summer vacation to begin with), etc. all lend credence to my notion, and I'm not immune to the phenomenon. I've already buried one friendship and I may be burying another. As I was commenting to friend last night, all this recent activity (very little of which is positive, or even tolerable) will leave my life far less full, and this was before my laptop died ignominiously. Combine this with the extended time off I'll receive this summer, and I'll be overstimulated and under supervised. I cannot view all of this as automatically bad, merely unpleasant. Change is rarely easy with me, and I must remember one of me exes: Pat. She and I were a serious couple - seriously unhealthy. In the end she went nuts ( I mean that clinically, not descriptively) and I was sick of it. I can say she was probably trying to get me to marry her, but I wasn't ready. The fact she is 10 1/2 years older than I did not help. We were not meant to be together any longer and I wanted out. I was terrified of the notion of not being with her; we were terribly codependent. When we did break up, I found I was free! I got myself together and began life anew. I won't say I'm doing back flips with the result, but I am happier than when I was with her. That feeling of change is quite strong now, and I wonder if I'm embarking on another transition. I'm loosing thins left and right; what will replace them? I'll find out by the end of October.
I can also say I'm finally shaking the depression/angst/anxiety I've enjoying for the past few months. One of those realization moments occurred at the aforementioned homicide-free meeting, when I realized how much I missed... something. I couldn't put my finger on it until I was sitting down to read the Big Book, and then I realized I wanted to feel like I did in early sobriety. I had hope and I felt so much better than today. I haven't been hitting enough meetings, and even the small increase I've had lately have helped. With that, I'll have to endeavor to go to Harbor Island, if not tonight, then Sunday and beyond. More later....
