financial aid and rants and raves

Or is that lain? A random English lesson is popping up from my subconscious. Anyway, I've been reading (read: listening on my beloved I-Pod.....) the new book from Michael Gerber: E-Myth Revisited. He tells the tale of Sarah and her company, "All About Pies." The story is one of their search for what is wrong with Sarah's relationship with her business. They talk of many things, but begin with her writing in a journal. This creative endeavor was co-opted by a sudden urge to write a book. This sudden purpose to her scribblings poisoned her writing, and she hating writing and her journal. I can relate, as I have an agenda with just about everything I do. Even this blog was started with some amorphous goal in mind, although the utter lack of readership has purified my ramblings. As per the book, the addition of this concrete goal to the writing prevented Sarah from enjoying the creative passion of simply writing for it's own sake, causing frustration and ill-managed relationships with all creative enterprises, such as being an entrepreneur, and she would need to reconnect with the wellspring of spirit before she could view her business as something other than a total grind. I've been meditating on this notion since reading (hearing) the passages. With that I requested the time-off needed for my trip to Prague, and I am trying to approach the vacation with a similar blank slate.



I've approached Prague with a certain level of expectation, since it doubled as a Mecca of sorts for guys my age. I've expounded on this before, so I won't rehash my old material. Also, I'm feeling exceptionally old right now, thanks to the movie Juno. More on that in another post. Anyway, I've been realizing, thanks to Mr. Gerber, I've realized I'm setting myself up for massive disappointment. What happened to the little boy who loved to explore? Well, he grew up into someone he didn't expect, or even like that much. At least the adult me is gainfully employed and paying his debts. So the older me wants to go to Prague, but why? Is there any good reason the fly all the way out there and back? Good reasons do not include attempting to recapture my misspent youth or connect with a time and scene long passed. The brothels, while entertaining and an excellent opportunity to observe the seamier side of human nature, are also not a good reason. On the other hand, I would love to explore Prague and possible my father's hometown. (We're Germans, but my fellow Sudetens were ruled by the Austrian-Hungarian Empire. This was not a big deal, since all were staunchly Catholic. It only became a big deal when the Soviet tanks rolled through Berlin.) Cuban cigars are also on the (marginally) acceptable list, as is the expansive English speaking community. Getting hostel chicks drunk on absinthe? Yeah, that's cool too. So the question is as follows: can I separate from the trip all the expectations of a goal reached or some transcendence or enlightenment achieved? I don't know. I do know that I probably would not get whatever I was trying to gain in the first place, so I'm setting myself up for a whopping existential disappointment. This is the last thing I need. If I can convince myself that I am going for no other reason then to have fun in a cheap and beautiful city, then that is enough.