Friday, December 27, 2013
My year in review...
It's December 23rd, and this post is proving difficult to write. Just
the idea of compressing 2013 into a single blog post is daunting to the
point I may get this post finished in March. Add to this the events of the year, and the date could get pushed back to August. Nevertheless, I have to try. So where to begin? Well, the better question to ask is how to begin. In Chile, Jim Rickards stated that when he
tackles a complex problem with incomplete information, he gets one thing
correct, and builds from there. I paid a lot of money for that advice;
let's use it.
So what is that one correct thing? Conquering fears, with three main examples. The year began with another endless internal debate as to whether or not I should do something radical to get myself closer to my stated goals. I was staring at a $1500 fee to travel to Santiago, Chile, and I didn't know what to do. I'd hoped it would have been worthwhile, but I wasn't sure. My delay cost me; at first, the seminar sold out. I was crestfallen, disappointed that my fear got the best of me again. Well, we know that didn't happen, and I took the plunge.
The trip was, of course, amazing. My mind was opened in ways I could never have expected, and I was so beyond proud of myself for going, despite all the naysayers. I was also really glad I returned home. There was the opportunity to stay in Chile and teach English, but it meant disrupting my life in way I wasn't quite ready to do. The trip also revealed to me something about myself that was painful to learn, but I'm stepping on that final entry about the trip. One of these days I'll have to finish that story, but until then, I'll only say it may have been one of the greatest trips I've ever taken.
Continuing with the theme of overcoming fear, the next hurdle I cleared was the TESOL program. I'm not exaggerating when I say that there wasn't one facet of the program that didn't scare me shitless. From asking permission to retake the program, to going to class, to what derailed me the last time: standing in front of a class and teaching. The latter alone nearly sent me into blind panic. Merely blaming fear is a little too narrow for the flame-out of 2011; I had serious personal issues that had been addressed prior to my re-entry into the program. Also not mentioned was the fact of my backpack getting stolen, with the text books inside. The class was free, but the books were $250 (again...), and I couldn't work overtime, which was another $1000 for the summer, gone. The class itself is a tremendous amount of work, and there were so many times over the summer I just wanted to quit. I'm so glad I didn't. I'll never forget spending all of the 4th of July weekend staring at my laptop in the Warrensburg McDonald's, plugged into the WiFi and the wall. I caught some side-eye over that from the employees and my brother, but it was well worth the attitude. The ultimate irony of the class was losing Pennsic, where for the first time since 1993, I had the full 17 days off, but couldn't attend due to student teaching.
Now, the question remains as to whether all that work was worth it, on both counts. Examining them as an opportunity for personal growth and getting so far out of my comfort zone I needed a passport, the answer is an unqualified yes. Both brought me so much more than I could have guessed. The trip opened my eyes to a whole new world, and it revealed an ugly truth about myself. The class showed me not only that I was good at teaching, but that I'd love doing it. I had no clue.
Examining both endeavors as means to an end rather than ends unto themselves is another matter. The trip, while very important, did not allow for me to do anything right away. Honestly, aside from a few blog posts, I haven't done anything. More on that later. The class should have had a direct cause and effect relationship, but it did not. My fear (better described as a sense of personal inadequacy), may have gotten the best of me when it came to actually being able to teach. I have yet to secure a class, and I'm not sure if it will happen. There's a small window of opportunity every term to get a class, and the Fall window closed. Of all the things I should have known better than anyone of my classmates, it was this fact, but the fear and procrastination paralyzed me. I can rewrite someone's resume in a few minutes, but it took me days. I also didn't get a teaching assignment at the smaller schools, which makes me wonder if something larger isn't afoot. I have no evidence, so let's move on for now.
The final example is my romantic life. There were a few small successes, and my fear of talking to women has diminished. I had a few dates, a few flings, and otherwise was better around women than I've ever been. This does not mean I see the Matrix, as per Neil Strauss, but I'm headed in that general direction. I'll take it. It is worth noting I'm unattached at the moment, but that's OK. I have a bear of a registration period coming up, and no time for dating anyway.
In the areas of finance, I spent 2013 lamenting my choice in cars for the better part of the year. I purchased a 2008 Toyota minivan in November of 2012, and that was an awful, stupid, impulsive choice that killed my budget. The mileage was terrible; the maintenance was terrible, and the insurance cost was terrible. I did like the heated seats. It was having some electrical problems in October, which should not have happened in a 5 year old car, so I traded it in at a $2000 loss and bought a newer Corolla with excellent mileage, smaller insurance payments, and much lower repair bills. The Sienna was a nasty mistake, and I'm glad it's corrected.
From a larger perspective, I've been playing catch-up for some time. While Chile and the TESOL class were terrific, they were also fairly expensive, either in price or lost wages. Add to that the cost of the minivan, and I wasn't able to eliminate anywhere close to the debt I thought I would. Actually, dipping into 2012, I'm in worse shape than I was 18 months ago. Righting the fiscal ship is one of the priorities of 2014, but let's not get ahead of myself.
Finally, there's my health. While there hasn't been a significant improvement,nothing's gotten worse. My eight is still too high, but much better than 2 years ago. My teeth are also mu8ch better, and I avoided any needing dental work for the first time in a long time. I'll take it. Thus concluded, on December 27th, my year in review. Next up: plans for 2014.
So what is that one correct thing? Conquering fears, with three main examples. The year began with another endless internal debate as to whether or not I should do something radical to get myself closer to my stated goals. I was staring at a $1500 fee to travel to Santiago, Chile, and I didn't know what to do. I'd hoped it would have been worthwhile, but I wasn't sure. My delay cost me; at first, the seminar sold out. I was crestfallen, disappointed that my fear got the best of me again. Well, we know that didn't happen, and I took the plunge.
The trip was, of course, amazing. My mind was opened in ways I could never have expected, and I was so beyond proud of myself for going, despite all the naysayers. I was also really glad I returned home. There was the opportunity to stay in Chile and teach English, but it meant disrupting my life in way I wasn't quite ready to do. The trip also revealed to me something about myself that was painful to learn, but I'm stepping on that final entry about the trip. One of these days I'll have to finish that story, but until then, I'll only say it may have been one of the greatest trips I've ever taken.
Continuing with the theme of overcoming fear, the next hurdle I cleared was the TESOL program. I'm not exaggerating when I say that there wasn't one facet of the program that didn't scare me shitless. From asking permission to retake the program, to going to class, to what derailed me the last time: standing in front of a class and teaching. The latter alone nearly sent me into blind panic. Merely blaming fear is a little too narrow for the flame-out of 2011; I had serious personal issues that had been addressed prior to my re-entry into the program. Also not mentioned was the fact of my backpack getting stolen, with the text books inside. The class was free, but the books were $250 (again...), and I couldn't work overtime, which was another $1000 for the summer, gone. The class itself is a tremendous amount of work, and there were so many times over the summer I just wanted to quit. I'm so glad I didn't. I'll never forget spending all of the 4th of July weekend staring at my laptop in the Warrensburg McDonald's, plugged into the WiFi and the wall. I caught some side-eye over that from the employees and my brother, but it was well worth the attitude. The ultimate irony of the class was losing Pennsic, where for the first time since 1993, I had the full 17 days off, but couldn't attend due to student teaching.
Now, the question remains as to whether all that work was worth it, on both counts. Examining them as an opportunity for personal growth and getting so far out of my comfort zone I needed a passport, the answer is an unqualified yes. Both brought me so much more than I could have guessed. The trip opened my eyes to a whole new world, and it revealed an ugly truth about myself. The class showed me not only that I was good at teaching, but that I'd love doing it. I had no clue.
Examining both endeavors as means to an end rather than ends unto themselves is another matter. The trip, while very important, did not allow for me to do anything right away. Honestly, aside from a few blog posts, I haven't done anything. More on that later. The class should have had a direct cause and effect relationship, but it did not. My fear (better described as a sense of personal inadequacy), may have gotten the best of me when it came to actually being able to teach. I have yet to secure a class, and I'm not sure if it will happen. There's a small window of opportunity every term to get a class, and the Fall window closed. Of all the things I should have known better than anyone of my classmates, it was this fact, but the fear and procrastination paralyzed me. I can rewrite someone's resume in a few minutes, but it took me days. I also didn't get a teaching assignment at the smaller schools, which makes me wonder if something larger isn't afoot. I have no evidence, so let's move on for now.
The final example is my romantic life. There were a few small successes, and my fear of talking to women has diminished. I had a few dates, a few flings, and otherwise was better around women than I've ever been. This does not mean I see the Matrix, as per Neil Strauss, but I'm headed in that general direction. I'll take it. It is worth noting I'm unattached at the moment, but that's OK. I have a bear of a registration period coming up, and no time for dating anyway.
In the areas of finance, I spent 2013 lamenting my choice in cars for the better part of the year. I purchased a 2008 Toyota minivan in November of 2012, and that was an awful, stupid, impulsive choice that killed my budget. The mileage was terrible; the maintenance was terrible, and the insurance cost was terrible. I did like the heated seats. It was having some electrical problems in October, which should not have happened in a 5 year old car, so I traded it in at a $2000 loss and bought a newer Corolla with excellent mileage, smaller insurance payments, and much lower repair bills. The Sienna was a nasty mistake, and I'm glad it's corrected.
From a larger perspective, I've been playing catch-up for some time. While Chile and the TESOL class were terrific, they were also fairly expensive, either in price or lost wages. Add to that the cost of the minivan, and I wasn't able to eliminate anywhere close to the debt I thought I would. Actually, dipping into 2012, I'm in worse shape than I was 18 months ago. Righting the fiscal ship is one of the priorities of 2014, but let's not get ahead of myself.
Finally, there's my health. While there hasn't been a significant improvement,nothing's gotten worse. My eight is still too high, but much better than 2 years ago. My teeth are also mu8ch better, and I avoided any needing dental work for the first time in a long time. I'll take it. Thus concluded, on December 27th, my year in review. Next up: plans for 2014.
